It's hard to believe that almost 14 years have passed since I asked Jesus to come into my life and be my Lord. That was the 4th of September 1994, at 10:45am. God is so good, I am overwhelmed just thinking about the differences between then and now. All His promises are TRUE! I know now, that God loves me, even before September 4th, He was very much involved in my life. I've seen much hurt around me, and I was determined not to be like the hurters later in my life. I know now that God permitted me to see these things and to resolve not to head down that way, but to seek a bigger and better heart.
Many of my friends got sick of the abuse and neglect they were getting from their fathers. Most traditional Vietnamese fathers love to eat and drink with friends and family. Lots of time, their fathers would lose control and just madly hit the kids. Money fights between mom and dad added to their frustrations.
My friends would many times come to me, and share their hurts, frustration, and anger. I couldn't do much to help them at the time, but was glad that my father wasn't into that. We weren't well to do family, and my parents too had their share of the money fight.
Well, I was determined to move ahead in life, and not be like the examples I witness, but I didn't want to move ahead at the expense of my heart.
In high school, I was introduced to the party life, started questioning and seeking the meaning of life, contemplated suicide, introduced to pornography, and cursing.
I forget the exact night, I think it was my Junior year, I was laying in bed, as it was often that I couldn't sleep at night. Questions like ... "Why is the world the way it is? Why all the hurts? The wars? Who do I turn to? Why am I living? Might as well end it now..." plagued my mind nights after nights. One night, I walked out to the kitchen and got the big knife. Went back to my room, stood next to my bed, had both hands on it, raised in the air above my head, and was about to stab myself in my stomach when, I thank God!, a voice came to my mind, "Stop, I have a plan for you!" I snapped out of my suicidal condition, walked back to the kitchen, set the knife down and went back to bed. I couldn't explain at the time, but I had hint that it was God, cause I was able to sleep afterwards.
I partied most of my high school years, and well into my freshman and early sophmore years at UH. One night, at a frat party, I observed how everyone was drunk and some smoked weed, and I thought to myself and how my life would be five to ten years from that day, and said to myself, no, that's it for me, no more of this. I saw myself just like my friend's dad, and I immediately drop the party life. I didn't know then that God was already working before I knew Him! Isn't He awesome?
My friends, the ball players that I grew up with, at some point in my freshman year in high school let me borrow some playboys. I wan't much interested in girls at the time, was too busy playing sports and excelling in school, the playboys didn't help shape my perception of women. I knew that man has desires for women, but I under estimate the lust element. I think that's why I was so addicted to partying? Freaky music, freaky environment? and girls where with freaky dancing was hard to resist. It's amazing how the enemy picks just the right thing to throw at you to mess you up. Part of the desire God moved me into was to be a good husband and father. What's the best way to messing up the husband? To get him to lust for another woman. After I got saved, God began to show me woman, who she is to Him, and where she is in the family, towards man, and kids. Totally different perception of what I had in mind in high school. And yes, I do admit, women just gets more and more fascinating as time pass, and thank God! He has kept me away from sexual tempations, virginity is awesome gift to the future mate. Thank God!
I know the meaning of life now, there is nothing in this world worth living for than to be at His Son's feet, and hear His voice, follow Him, and watch Him work in the beautiful world He's made. With each passing day, I am seeing how He not only meet my need inside, but also meet my needs outside. Money and spiritual maturity goes hand and hand, read about Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, Joseph, King David, King Solomon and you'll see.
Today, the desires of my youth are becoming a reality. The dream of buying my parents a home to retire in, came true, the dream of driving certain cars, came true, I was offered jobs, and didn't actively look / submit resumes. Fact got hired when people were getting pink slips. Haven't even finished college, yes yes, I know, I want to though. Best of all, I get to see people's live change, and the opportunity to work with youths and be involved in their life.
God is very, very GOOD, and He's real. I know many times since I got saved, I've tripped, and reverted to my old ways and desires. But each time, His kindness, and the fact that there's nothing out there like Him, leads me to repentance and confession of my sin. He doesn't care how many times you fall, He cares how many time you come to Him and get up.
I know my God is real, and I know that He can be just as real to you. Ask of me, and I will tell you, how good, how merciful, how kind, how patient, and how loving God is. He desires and delights in a personal relationship with me, and with you.
God bless,
Hop Nguyen